Fighting Depression (Contemporary Art Practice)

This idea actually came to me really last minute.  And honestly, I'll still not 100% about it.  I was working on other things, wrapping up some last minute details, when I had an idea.  Something I wanted to do.  A project.  Now, I knew this was something I wasn't going to be able to do in class, and even then, I never considered tying it into anything.  I never game it's theme any thought.  But I considered this a project I would do myself in my free time in the next year or so.  The project was all about my fight with depression over the years, and a message that I wanted to pass on to other people who (as I have) may have had severely damaging experiences with depression.

Now, at this stage it's crucial to note that this was never intended to be related to this unit.  I've always been fascinated by animation, but I've always been scared by the work load it entails and my lack of knowledge on the subject meant it was something I had never really ventured near.  But I had this idea that excited me, that felt powerful to me.  And in my head it was an animation.  So I thought, maybe I could do it?  Maybe I should learn, maybe I can see if I can get this out there and see if people respond to it.

The idea was about this person (in my first draft a male character) in an empty world of darkness.  Voices whisper away at him with messages like "You're not good enough", "Why do you try?", "You should just give up".  The sort of messages depression pounds into your brain.  In among this heavy whispering of negative messages, one positive one is heard.  "You can do it.  You can fight it."  The words echo, and pierce louder than the negative ones.  The darkly shadowed male suddenly has a small, bright blue glowing light in his palm, empowered by the words.  He takes a moment, still in tears from the taunting before balling his fist, which glows with the light, and punches at the darkness.  A ripple rushes through it as the whispers stop.  "Don't give up.  Keep fighting!".  The words cause the blue light to build and grow stronger, the fist now holding a hilt.  The male swings again, lashing out at the darkness.

"Fight!"  The words cause the hilt to summon a Katana like blade, glowing with blue light as the character swings and slices through the black, splitting it into multiple pieces.  White seeps through as the black shapes take on the form of monsters.  "You can do it!"  The blue light spreads to his clothing, the character moving faster, more enthusiastically, swinging the sword and fighting those beasts around him, destroying them.  By the time the beasts are gone, the character is left dressed completely in glowing blue gear, panting heavily yet triumphantly.  The character balls his fist again, and speaks for the first time.  "I can do this."

The final part of the animation features the character walking into work, in ordinary clothes, looking tired and drained from his fight.  A wry smile on his lips, the clock showing that he's just a few minutes late for work.  A co work passes him and says casually "Dude, you're late.  And you look like crap, you loose a fight?"  At this, a dark shadowy hand places itself on the main characters shoulder and them film ends.

Sorry that's a little long winded.  It's an idea that I really want to pursue.  I want to encourage people to fight, even the small struggles.  To find that strength within and to forge whatever weapons they need to fight what plagues them most.  I know when I was at my darkest that something like this would have spoken to me, and at the very least related to me.  It's a comforting thing when you know someone else truly understands and is encouraging them to fight.  In this case.  The end was considered to be a sort of looping of events.  I don't believe the struggle ever ends.  It just gets easier.  Sometimes it can pull you back.

This idea came to me, and I did not relate it to college work at all.  But when I was doing my speech for Contemporary, it felt impersonal.  Removed from myself.  But this topic wasn't.  I decided I was going to try and write a new speech, one that focused on the topic of depression and hopefully encourage the strength to help people fight it.  I'm not sure if I want the physical elements to remain the same.

For the speech itself, this is still an early draft.  But I was thinking something along these lines;

"Why do you hate me?  Why do you stop me from leaving my room?  Why must you scare me?  Why do you take my enjoyment away from the things I love?  Must you force me to alienate myself from the world?  Why?  What is the point of you?  What do you gain from this?  Why is my unhappiness so important to you?  Are you scared too?  Scared of what I can be?  Is that why you torture me into misery?  Because I won't let you.  I can't let you.  So I will fight you.  Even if it's just a little, I will fight.  I will leave my room in the morning.  I will not let you stop me!  I refuse to let you take my happiness!  You want me to give in.  But no.  I.  Will.  Fight."

 I'm not sure how I feel about this dialogue.  There are elements I do like, and some I don't.  I don't like when it refers directly to specific motions, such as getting out of bed.  I know that I want this to be read very emotionally charged.  Full of anger, sadness and hope.  Though because it's so close to me, I'm actually a little fearful of how I might sound saying these things out loud.  On top of that, there's still the issue of what the physical aspects of this project will look like.

I know I'm definitely more passionate about this subject matter, and it ties more into my themes of Fragility and the like.